It all began with a simple slip of paper. It was a photograph; a photograph that contradicted everything Winston had ever been taught for as long as he could remember. Proof that the Party was not always right was in his hands. This photograph proved that the Party had lied for certain at least one time. While the Party had claimed that three men committed a crime, the photograph showed that they had been somewhere else completely.
Because Winston had been fed lies since youth, this small photograph awakened intense conflict within his presumably brainwashed mind. He had always mistrusted the party in the past, but this small detail inflamed his doubts. Previously, he had not had any basis for his mistrust, only a whimsical feeling that reality was not what the party claimed. This doubt laid the foundation for Winston’s later complete rejection of party politics, and actions reflecting his repudiation.
Although it is taboo for members of the Outer Party, such as Winston, to take walks, he decided to do so anyway. He ended up buying a diary and ink pen, both of which were looked upon with suspicion by the party. He continues in his deviant ways by writing “DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER” in that diary. In essence, by defaming Big Brother, who was the physical embodiment of the party, he was declaring that he was independent and free from the party, not only in thought, but in action also. Winston had declared a fight against the falsity and homogeny of the Party. .
At the same time, a struggle was developing within him. He showed indecision between his wretched, standardized life and his current actions, which would lead to death. On one end, he was attempting at all times to conceal his disgust for Big Brother and the Party from the telescreens, which monitored his every move, and the Thought Police, which would bring about his demise. On the other end, he showed complete recklessness by writing things such as “theyll shoot me I dont care theyll shoot me in the back of the neck I dont care down with big brother” in his diary.