Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man??™s doing but my own
In our current [omit this word or use ???current??™] world, some people succeed some people don??™t. Sometimes people blame their failure on the society??™s obsession with defining people??™s potential with an impressive resume. Sometimes people blame their failure on society??™s racial discrimination. However, whether a person??™s dream will be fulfilled or not doesn??™t depend on the actions of others but on the person??™s own dedication, determination and sometimes even luck. Dedication gives us the ability to succeed. Determination lets us move on even in the darkest time. Luck provides us a chance to succeed sooner. [Good, much stronger introduction especially with a brief description of the role played by dedication, determination and luck.]
A person??™s success or failure depends on his own dedication. It??™s true that an impressive resume will give you the capacity to go anywhere you want. However, the expected ability matched the resume [Not quite sure what this sentence means] comes from years of hard work, it comes from dedication. There??™s no way [re-word] a person can become experienced in one night. Life is full of building up. [Understand, but this sentence needs re-phrasing] Life is not a fairytale, there??™s no super medicine which can make you more intelligent and knowledgeable in a sudden. The same idea is shown in the Gattaca. If Vincent didn??™t work as hard, if he didn??™t keep doing exercises regularly, his true identity would be revealed easily through tests in Gattaca. Vincent didn??™t make ???one single error in a million keystrokes??™. His carefulness and academic knowledge about the space has given him the same expected potential compared to ???valids??™. Vincent was considered as unworthy by the society at first, without dedication, he wouldn??™t be much different from other in-valids. On Vincent??™s path to success, dedication definitely played a remarkable role in it.
A person??™s success or failure depends on his own determination. There??™s no doubt that opinions from people around you affects you a lot. If everybody says ???you can??™t achieve that??™ or ???it??™s impossible for you to do it??™, your conviction will be shaven. If you are so determined and confident like Vincent that nobody can deter you from your dream, you are already not far away from success. When you wish to give up since there are so many difficulties, determination is the only thing which can help you to continue. In Gattaca, although there were so many struggles for a person with a serious heart condition like Vincent to become an astronaut, he didn??™t give up. Pain, despair, discrimination from others didn??™t bend his knees. It was obvious that he was experiencing an extremely painful process when German tried to make him taller through surgery. However he never complained, even Eugene was impressed and never ???questioned his commitment??™ after that surgery. Struggles are unpredictable and also unavoidable. On the path to success, difficulties are always there. Determination is the only effective weapon to beat the will to give up. [Strong paragraph]
A person??™s success or failure sometimes depends on his luck as well. As the saying goes, ???life is like a box of chocolate, you never what you will get next.??™ Life is full of uncertainty, if Nobel didn??™t do his chemical reaction test, he wouldn??™t happen to invent dynamite, if Walt Disney never met the mouse, how could he be inspired and become a millionaire It??™s pretty common in our real [omit this word or use ???current??™] world that a talented person hasn??™t been appreciated for years just because they are unlucky. In the movie Gattaca, ???a person??™s loss is another??™s gain.??™ If German didn??™t know Vincent from ???people??™, if Eugene committed suicide successfully at first, how could Vincent be able to gain a valid identity Vincent was lucky because he was able to find German. Without German, Vincent would have still been a worthless person. There was no way for an in-valid like him to change his destiny. Luck is not everything, but without some degree of luck, can a person really be successful The answer is apparently negative. [In an expository essay, I wouldn??™t suggest ending a paragraph this way. A more definite statement would be appropriate.]
Everybody has their own path to success, but without dedication, determination and some degree of luck, nobody can achieve success. Use dedication to enrich your personal ability, use determination to keep the faith. After years of building-up, with a little good luck, you will suddenly find you are already a successful person when you look back at yourself.