How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

June 8, 2018 General Studies

Zombie?How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse Back in January, thousands of birds dropped dead out of the sky in Arkansas, followed by more birds randomly dying in Louisiana shortly thereafter. Throw in 100,000 drum fish showing up dead in rivers, freak snowstorms that demolished the South, and dogs and cats living together (mass hysteria! ), it has become blatantly clear: the zombie apocalypse is near, my friends. Okay, so maybe zombies aren’t exactly real (yet), but it doesn’t mean we can’t have a discussion about what our lives would be like if they actually took over the world.

Thanks to video games like Resident Evil, Left4Dead, and Dead Rising, movies like 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead, and Army of Darkness; and TV shows like The Walking Dead and Hannah Montana, zombies are everywhere these days. So, just because the zombie apocalypse hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t! Fortunately, today is the day you’ll learn not only how to survive an apocalypse, but how you can start preparing immediately so that you’re ready when it does. First, stay in peak physical condition.

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Fact: zombies love out of shape people. They’re easier to chase down, have more flesh to eat, and put up far less of a fight. Compare that with a highly intelligent nerd in peak physical condition: much harder to catch, composed of tough muscle instead of doughy fat, and certainly not going down without a fight. You want to be a zombie’s worst nightmare. But, how the heck does one stay in shape during an apocalypse? After all, a simple trip to the gym becomes significantly more difficult when you have to kill a few zombies between deadlifts.

Instead, perform quick, efficient workouts that can be done anywhere: on top of a building, in the bottom floor of a basement bunker, and any place in between. By focusing on quick, full-body workouts, you’ll ensure that you’re always prepared to kick some zombie ass at a moment’s notice if you can’t sprint away from them fast enough. Sometimes, you just have to fight, and being in great shape is the best way to ensure survival in those situations. Furthermore, practice sprints, not long distance cardio.

Yes,the first rule of ZombieLand is cardio, but when dealing with super-zombies that are fast as hell, having a great half-marathon time isn’t going to help you out much when a zombie can chase you down in the first forty yards, and even if they can’t chase you down immediately, eventually they’ll get you because of the whole “unrelenting rage and zero fatigue” factor. Instead, train to become incredibly fast at short distances. Think like a sprinter, not a marathon runner. If you suddenly come across a zombie while walking down the street, you’ll need to be fast enough to outrun the zombie until you can get to a safe house.

This is where your top speed is going to be far more useful than your total level of endurance. While getting in shape, prepare your food supply in advance. When the world has ended and zombies are scavenging the earth, running the streets, and infecting everybody in their path, do you think an afternoon trip to McDonald’s for a Big Mac is a good idea? When there are dozens of zombies worked up into a frenzy standing outside your boarded-up windows, a drive-through “fourthmeal” from Taco Bell probably shouldn’t be on the agenda.

Whether you plan on barricading yourself in your house or grabbing a backpack and heading to the nearest human survivor camp, you’re going to need food to survive. Now, if you were smart, you already had a few weeks worth of food stocked up at your place just in case. With that food stocked up, your first post-apocalyptic meals are ready to go and you don’t have to worry about starvation. It’s those folks that have no plan for meals that are figuratively caught with their pants down. When you have to choose between starvation or fighting off an entire legion of zombies, nobody wins.

Except for the zombies – zombies always win in that situation. Next, find people and work as a team – stay together. In every zombie movie ever made, it’s always the guy who says “let’s split up to explore” that becomes a zombie first. If you’re part of a small group of people who have outlasted the rest of the human race, survival will be far more likely if you work as a team. Watch each other’s backs, take turns being the lookout, and work together to solve problems and stay alive. To borrow a quote from Lost, “Live together, die alone.

” After all, a life of solitude in a post-apocalyptic zombie world doesn’t really sound that fun, does it? Sure Will Smith was alone for most of I am Legend, but he had a pretty crappy time even with a kick-ass dog for a companion. Think about it: After probably two weeks of zombie slaying alone (if you last that long), you will most likely go crazy. Who knows, at that point becoming a zombie might not even sound that bad! Above all else, stay alive. If you’re one of the few remaining survivors in a zombie-filled world, it’s your responsibility to continue our species.

No pressure, but the fate of humanity rests on your shoulders. So, what does that mean, exactly? It means you need to do every freaking thing possible to stay alive. Want to know the most effective way to stay in great shape, fight zombies, and carry on living? Have something worth living for. Whether it’s the hope of finding a cure, finding others that have survived, or finding a safe haven where you can live out the rest of your days, remember that hope + action = win. It’s always the guys that have nothing to live for or lose their will to live that become the next zombie.

More importantly, remember that there’s always hope, no matter how dire the situation may seem. It doesn’t matter how old, young, big, small, or alone you are – you can always make a change and live better starting immediately. Don’t give up and assume you’re stuck with a crappy existence – after all, the future of the human race could be in your hands. And there you have it – how to survive a zombie apocalypse. It might not happen today, it might not happen tomorrow, or it might never happen. But just in case it does, you’ll be far more prepared to take them on if you follow the advice listed above.


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