I a great deal of grief and

March 5, 2019 History

I would say yes, generally speaking, but this not the same thing as saying that it is right for all children to necessarily have a relationship with their biological parents.
In my observations, any attempts to hide the truths of these matters cause a great deal of grief and anger to the child, who often comes to feel that he/she is just a pawn in someone else’s game when the truth of it eventually comes out. And the longer the truth is suppressed, the deeper the child’s anger is against the people who withheld this vital information. A few anecdotes to consider:
A good friend of mine was only told the truth about who his bio-father was after the man had died, and this has created a deep wedge in his relationship with his mother for the fact that he never had a chance to have a relationship with the man.
• My biological father was adopted at a time (1950s) when openness the facts of adoption was often hidden from a child. While his adoptive parents made the fact of his adoption apparent from day one, they never provided him any information about his birth parents, and he was haunted throughout his life by never knowing his biological history (side note: I have attempted to remedy this a bit by taking an ancestral DNA test and seeking access to his adoptive records.
• A recent revelation in my own family is that a cousin of mine has turned out to not be my cousin after all, but is in fact the offspring of an affair between two spouses of one each among my aunts and uncles, meaning that this fellow whom I thought was my bio-cousin is actually a half-brother to a couple of my known cousins, who previously assumed he was their cousin, too. “He’s my cousin, and my brother”, hillbilly-bashing humor is supposed to be funny until it happens in your own family, and the emotional fallout is devastating. The affected cousins, my ersatz cousin, and my uncle who thought he was this boy’s father all had to work through a great deal of anger and humiliation over this, none of which was asked for. It would have been a far better thing to have this out in the open when it went down rather than let this cover-up foment for decades.
Much of this will depend on 1) how the subject is discussed with the child, if ever (and please, please discuss it—see below for my reasoning); 2) the age at which the child is adopted; and 3) if the child is older, what happened in his or her birth family that led to the adoption.
Often depends on age of adoption – As if they remember or had contact with previous parental figures (foster, and biological) then they are more likely to have interest or curiosity of those parents. Its a natural reaction as they try understand, especially in teen years at that search for their own identity all adolescents go through.
Statistically children adopted early in life or from birth often do not attempt to contact biological parents. I was adopted at birth and known about it always. Although I read adoption papers once I have never been interested in tracing my biological parents. I have been asked a few times ‘will you ever go track down your parents?’ I always reply with ‘I have a family of my own, a mother and a father that love me and raised me and that is the definition of what parents do. Although grateful, I have as much connection to a child conceived in a test tube as I do to biological parents.


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