There are several different styles of love, many of which people go through before they actually may reach a point of commitment. Some people never reach the point of commitment and continue through their life in cycles of different love styles. Here are a couple of different scenarios that show different styles of love: Mary and John are in college together, but they have known each other for several years now. They have always turned to each other when their relationships go bad. But recently Mary has started developed feelings for John, she feels as though they could have a great intimate relationship.
They always communicate well. John is just afraid that if something does not work out, their friendship may be at risk. This scenario would be based on Hendricks style of love known as friendship. This theory basically states that, “The best love grows out of an enduring friendship” (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, 220). Sternberg would refer to this relationship as a intimate one, meaning true friendship without passion or long-term commitment. Angie and Chuck are also in college together, but they have a different kind of relationship.
Angie seems to be head over heels for Chuck, she would do anything for him. She even thinks that she would give up things for herself to make him happy. Chuck does not quite feel the same way though, he will not commit totally to Angie and because he feels that it is easy come, easy go. If he loses her, he can just pick up another girl next week. There are two different styles of love here; one is what Hendricks would classify as selfless love and the other is game-playing love. Chuck is playing games with Angie; he keeps stringing her along but does not feel that he would be at a loss if she left.
Angie, on the other hand, is thinking that she would do anything for him just to help him (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, 220). These styles of love are similar because they are just that, different styles of love. However, all of them are different because I believe they are different stages that we go through in life. The friendship love is one that they do already have the communication in line. The game-playing love is one that I am not sure people are really even serious about the person but it keeps them company for the time being that is why they will not commit.
The selfless love is different because the person is forgetting about themselves and their needs. I believe all three of these styles need other styles of love to be complete in a fulfilling relationship. In my life right now, I have a consummate love. I believe that my husband and I have a complete love consisting of passion, intimacy, and commitment. We have closeness and a bond that lets each of us know that we are there for one another through good or bad times. We have a passion that continues to burn for one another in our marriage.
I have been through several of Hendricks’ styles of love through my life especially when I was younger. I have played the game-playing love, when I went through my divorce. I wanted someone but I did not want to commit to that person. I have had that logical love even with my current husband where I looked at him and wondered what kind of father he would be to our children. My first marriage was more of what Sternberg would refer to as a companionate love. We were committed to one another but the passion faded over time and we could not seem to get it back.
I believe that we were in love but we grew up and when we did, we both realized we wanted different things in life. Everyone feels love in different degrees and ways, some for short periods and some for long periods. Some people never want commitments because of fear of being hurt, others spend their whole life trying to find someone that will commit to them. References Rathus, S. A. , Nevid, J. S. , and Fincher-Rathus, L. (2005). Human sexuality in a world of diversity. (6th ed. ) Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon.